oh..

how my kidneys ache.

I really feel like

my life is starting to come together right now.

It is fantastic.

Truly.

It's funny too, my horoscope for today was right on!!

oh god...

How embarrassing.

Let's just pretend I didn't say that....

Right?

If not, lemme know, because I feel like an idiot.

Like a huge dumb ass and I'm really embarrassed. 

Oh such bliss...

I asked you a question, not one of my own. Alas! Fate's fist bump, a Magic response.

You told me what I wanted to hear, but I am nearly, quite certain you were genuine.

I avoided your eyes with everything inside of me, 

I blushed and grinned like a small child. 

You uttered that word again only moments later

and my heart started fluttering like a bird with a burning wing.

I know that's fucked up, but it was so wild and.......

fateful?

It was only the night prior that I lay there wondering if we thought the same

and just hours later you said it's name.

I know, don't you worry, There is more than enough time,

It's just so strange to me the timing of it all. 

I only wish you might say it again

so that maybe I might be able to say it too

and not write silly little blogs with the hope that you understand my secret message.

God this is childish, 

but that's the sort of disappointment my little heart can't take.

Just say that you read it if you want,

If you don't I will default to ignorance and we will carry on a while longer

in just the same (and fantastic) way we have.

I've probably stirred up some regret now, yeah?

Oh well.

mellow-drama, melodrama, mellow drama, MELODRAMATIC.

I need art.

I crave art.

I think about these beautiful, horrible and honest creations all day long

and my earnest desire to tell the truth will forever be my burden.

A mind that wont rest, perhaps until it has all been put on paper.

A mind that may never rest regardless of what I do with these memories,

but I know that I must if only for an inkling of hope. 

or perhaps not.

Also,

I am really in to gogol bordello right now.

Especally "Through the Roof n Underground"

exhaustion....

Ugh.... day 4 of no sleep.

well, there is still a possibility for rest except for my drunken snoring boyfriend,

so my guess is this trend will continue. 

god damn I am tired as fuck.