Dear sweet jesus,

I'm a big 'ol dork.

I am on the search for a second job...

Why does it have to be so hard to find work? I just want to make money so I can live a nice life.

On a lighter note:

oh..

how my kidneys ache.

I really feel like

my life is starting to come together right now.

It is fantastic.

Truly.

It's funny too, my horoscope for today was right on!!

oh god...

How embarrassing.

Let's just pretend I didn't say that....

Right?

If not, lemme know, because I feel like an idiot.

Like a huge dumb ass and I'm really embarrassed. 

Oh such bliss...

I asked you a question, not one of my own. Alas! Fate's fist bump, a Magic response.

You told me what I wanted to hear, but I am nearly, quite certain you were genuine.

I avoided your eyes with everything inside of me, 

I blushed and grinned like a small child. 

You uttered that word again only moments later

and my heart started fluttering like a bird with a burning wing.

I know that's fucked up, but it was so wild and.......

fateful?

It was only the night prior that I lay there wondering if we thought the same

and just hours later you said it's name.

I know, don't you worry, There is more than enough time,

It's just so strange to me the timing of it all. 

I only wish you might say it again

so that maybe I might be able to say it too

and not write silly little blogs with the hope that you understand my secret message.

God this is childish, 

but that's the sort of disappointment my little heart can't take.

Just say that you read it if you want,

If you don't I will default to ignorance and we will carry on a while longer

in just the same (and fantastic) way we have.

I've probably stirred up some regret now, yeah?

Oh well.

mellow-drama, melodrama, mellow drama, MELODRAMATIC.

I need art.

I crave art.

I think about these beautiful, horrible and honest creations all day long

and my earnest desire to tell the truth will forever be my burden.

A mind that wont rest, perhaps until it has all been put on paper.

A mind that may never rest regardless of what I do with these memories,

but I know that I must if only for an inkling of hope. 

or perhaps not.

Also,

I am really in to gogol bordello right now.

Especally "Through the Roof n Underground"

exhaustion....

Ugh.... day 4 of no sleep.

well, there is still a possibility for rest except for my drunken snoring boyfriend,

so my guess is this trend will continue. 

god damn I am tired as fuck.

Dear World,

Anyone can be clever and well read.

So fuck off with your obscure literary references 

and dry wit. 

That doesn't make you any smarter than anyone else,

stop pretending to be pretentious and ever so coy. 

Love always,

Caitlin

Jesus Christ

I am so fucking hungry with no food in my house...

Stupid.

Perhaps I'll have some tea...

ohh yes.

Just a little lonely...

I know how petty I'm being, trust me I do... But I'm so terribly lonely.

I have to dig and dig and dig for just one word.  

It's enough to drive a person crazy.

And it's working. 

ps- Marshall doesn't read this at all.

((LIAR!))

pps- It's Marshall's birthday, he's 21 and out at the bars having fun.

I'm at home in my sweat pants, and that is why Im petty and lonely.

Well, I'm lonely for more reasons than that, but my god, I would do anything for human interaction right now.

Nicole has rag doll legs,

she shakes 

and her eyes look lost.

New Years Resolutions...

Start biking to work
Don't drink so much beer
Gluten free
Vegan
Stop being late to work
Quit smoking
Be nicer to Marshall and Family
Be responsible with my money
Craft more
No more quitting projects half way through
Eat healthier foods

Make lots more art!!!!!
Gym membership
Stop sleeping all day
Meet Calvin
Pay Tanner back
Stop screening my phone calls!!!

Please note the resemblance